A Post-Grades Check In:
This has been an undeniably hard semester. You’ve endured one of the most challenging graduate programs in the midst of a pandemic. And with grades being released, I wanted to share some truths that helped me through law school and can hopefully apply to you too.
I don’t know what feelings you’re experiencing, but I want to remind you that it’s OK to be sad, frustrated, neutral, pleased, or upset. I think sometimes we expect ourselves to feel a certain way, but we were intentionally designed to have a full range of emotions. Sadness or frustration are not negative feelings. Maybe you just saw your grades and cried because they don't feel reflective of the work you put in. You worked really hard, and this might not be what you expected. And it’s completely OK to be disappointed. All that our emotions ask is to be acknowledged. Imagine if anger and sadness came and knocked at your door. Like me, you might be afraid to let them in. But if you ignore them for too long, they may overwhelm you or fester in unresolved bitterness. While emotions don’t define us, we can have compassion on ourselves and know that we made it through a challenging semester.
While it’s vital for us not to dismiss our emotions, our emotions don’t define what's true. Even if I feel like my success is measured by grades, this is not true. Your legal knowledge is not measured by an arbitrary percentage of how much you matched the professor’s expectations or how your classmates happened to do on a given day. Those three hours on test day do not diminish all the knowledge you gained in an entire semester of learning. You studied the material, understand it now to a greater degree than you thought possible, and can use that information to help people and pass the bar. You practiced a new subject that is intensely difficult, likely an area you didn’t know at all before. And you didn't give up when that might've been easier.
In law school, I’ve struggled with not only feeling like my grades define my success as a student but as a person, too. But my personal faith reminds me that, whether I received the grades I wanted or not, I am the child of an amazing God who chooses, wants, and loves me for who I am and not my productivity or worldly acknowledgment. This may be hard to believe in the midst of law school, but I can choose to believe it's true of me whether I feel it or not. Law school is a tiny window in my life--3L Jesse Mentz says: “In three years, law school will be over. In thirty years, your career will be over.” You are in law school for more than one class, and since I believe my purpose in law school is to prepare to become a lawyer, doing so entails not dropping out and doing what I can, trusting God will take care of the grades. As 3L Nikki Long says: “Do your best, pray that it’s blessed, and let God take care of the rest!”
Your Future Is Not Limited by Your Grades
When I ranked second to last in legal writing, I was crushed and remember questioning why I was in a field I felt so unequipped for. But I've realized that throughout history, God has used people who felt unequipped for certain tasks to accomplish amazing things, as they were humble and able to empathize with others. A low score might give us the wake-up call we need to realize we are so much more than our grades and that they don't limit our lives. As we turn to God in disappointment, we can be set free from the pressure to perform perfectly as we realize we can't control every aspect of our future. Instead, we can trust that our grades are in God's hands, and He will use them for good in our lives. Grades are not the determining factor of where we end up or a limitation to the scope of influence we can have as attorneys.
After my first semester, I interviewed for a summer internship at an organization I really loved. However, when they untraditionally asked to see grades, I thought there was no way I'd get the job. Still, I believed God called me to law school, so He would walk with me through the end and carry out the purpose for me being here. And even with my low grades, I ended up getting the job I interviewed for and a competitive fellowship all within the first month of spring semester. I say that not to boast or falsely promise we’ll get whatever we want, but to illustrate that God truly is not limited by the human measures we look to to grant us success. I've seen students receive incredible opportunities with low and high grades, and in cases where we don’t get our dreams, we can grieve and have compassion while recognizing that God may have a different plan that is still good. And we can cling to Him, pour out our emotions, and ask Him to lend us His strength until the day we can see things as He does.
Practical Tips:
While we can remind ourselves truth, living as if we believe it is a whole other challenge. One of the reasons this is so challenging is that within the law school bubble, it sometimes feels like our performance defines us. If we’re constantly bombarded with lies about our identity and grades, we must remind ourselves just as much with truth. It can be helpful to journal: 1) What are lies that I’m believing about myself, my work, or the future? 2) What is the truth to these lies? Whether we receive the grades we anticipated or not, we can sink into the truths that we are loved and valued not for our performance and that our grades don't limit us. We don't often hear truth once before being believing it—we must constantly remind ourselves of truth whenever we're believing lies. I try to practically remind myself encouragement throughout the day, whether that's through leaving myself voicemails, writing positive truths like Bible verses throughout my outlines, spending time with God daily, and asking Him to help the material make sense.
In moments where we don’t feel like things are going to be okay, we can still operate out of faith. Faith is asking, “How would I act right now if I believed these truths?” and then choosing to live as if we believe. For me, I believe God is in control, loves me, and will take care of me. Sometimes, that belief compels me to read another chapter. Other times, I can go to bed early with the peace that it'll work out. Sometimes, when I’m stressed over a reading, I have to set my book down and take a break to do something I love that will break me out of the mindset that law school is everything. While I don't always feel like I have great faith, I can choose to do the right thing even if I don't feel it and trust that the feelings can eventually align with my actions even if they don’t right now.
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